Sunday, January 30, 2011

Blind Date

Excerpt from my book: "The Words That Shaped Me"
by Aliza Davidovit

The word "date" derives from the 14th century French word "date" and means “day” or “time.” More interesting, however, is what we call, blind dates, the most dishonest words in the dictionary, for never does a man and woman see so much as on that first date. From the second he limps into the bar we begin to size him up or cut him down to size. Does he dress like a nerd? Does he check out other women? Is he cheap? Can he afford me? Does he make me laugh? Is he smart? Does he have clean fingernails? Does he have all his teeth? Are his shoes shined?

And men also go through their own very long list: Is she hot or not?

Dating is certainly a word that has shaped me as well as millions of women out there. It’s not easy being a woman on the blind date circuit, especially in big cities. In “New York, single women outnumber single men by more than 210,000. Thus, it’s no wonder that a woman spends seven hours in the mirror before a blind date plucking, pulling, tweezing, waxing, moisturizing and renovating. It’s an exhausting process that requires brief naps between each layer of mascara. Then, after a whole night of listening to an egotistical hotzinpotzin[13] who speaks only about himself and his ex-wife and turns you into his therapist, a dejected woman returns home to a freezing liter of Haagen-Dazs and a hot shower wherein the pretenses of such nights and layers of makeup gradually clog up the drain.

As a consequence, women begin to lose their confidence wondering what’s wrong with them. They begin questioning, “Will I ever meet anyone?” “Is it me or them?” “Why should I bother anymore?” “Maybe I should become gay?” All these failed dates begin to shape how we see ourselves as women. One guy thinks we talk too much, so we tone it down; then, the next guy thinks we have no conversation. One dude will stare at the sexy cocktail waitress with big boobs the whole night, so a woman gets implants and then the next fellow says he only likes real ones. It comes to a point where women just don’t know who to be anymore. Then your friends all advise, “Just be yourself.” We would, if we remembered who we were to begin with. All these interludes eat away at us like Hannibal Lecter and what’s left is usually unrecognizable and bitterly unappetizing.

Men, too, have it veryhard as their cojones are cut off by today’s superwomen who make more bucks and scream sexual harassment when the guy opens the car door for them. I’m sure you’ve met those nasty egomaniacs who never met a mirror they didn’t like. Men also get put off by obnoxious gold diggers—you know the kind—those graduates from the Leona Helmsley School of Mergers and Acquisitions who are trained to want the only wedding ring displayed behind bulletproof glass. Males are left no longer sure whether to be gentlemen or jerks. And as we keep banging off of each other in these failed dating expeditions, the definitions of the sexes are constantly evolving as we reshape ourselves to adapt. I know I have.
But blind dating is still better than a blind marriage, where a couple sees each other for the first time on their wedding day. And today, with the likes of eHarmony, JDate, Facebook, and all the other social networking sites, we know a lot about the other person before we ever meet them—except that we don’t because everything they write about themselves is a lie.

Let me please translate dating site lingo: When he lists that he’s in the legal field, he’s not a lawyer, he’s a convict; when she describes herself as fit, it means she can still “fit” in the freight elevator; when he says I’m in my 50s but still full of life, it means he’s in his 60s and still full of shit; when she says I’d love his kids like my own, it means start checking out boarding schools; when he’s looking for a woman who “also” has a successful career, it means you’re splitting the bill and will be sharing the expenses the rest of your life; when she says she loves animals, she’ll be treating you like a dog soon enough; when he says he’s ready to relocate for the right person, it means... (CLICK to READ MORE)